


Slow Town

by yxxngxndmxnxcx



Category: Blurryface - Fandom, Columbine - Fandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Columbine, Depression, F/M, Gay, LGBT, M/M, Multi, Nbk, Self Harm, Suicide, Trans, boy/boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7553632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yxxngxndmxnxcx/pseuds/yxxngxndmxnxcx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wouldn't it be great if we could just lay down and wake up in Slow Town?</p><p>Tyler Joseph, a 17 year old with a fractured perception of reality, and an incredible talent for noticing too many details. A boy who doesn't know how to fix himself.</p><p>Josh Dun, a 17 year old who has strayed too far away to be saved, with the amazing ability to see the worst in people. A boy who knows how to make it all stop. </p><p>Jenna Black, an 18 year old who blames herself for the disturbing aftermath they left behind. A girl who can no longer trust anyone. </p><p>Slow Town- one of the pairs conjured fantasies. Something called fate and this towns misfortune is all they need to finally get there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Mom, I'm going out" I called out to her. 

"Where?" Her voice came from upstairs.

"To the woods near school" I replied.

"Okay, be back before it gets dark, I love you" She didn't have much of the 'love' in her voice. The regular chirp was now more categorised as a voice of concern. It didn't phase me much, so I replied anyway.

"Love ya too mom". I don't know why she worried so much, I'm 17 years old- I'm practically an adult. Its not like i'd want to stay in the woods after dark anyway. 

I couldn't determine that it would be warm outside, so I played it safe and grabbed the closest hat, a red beanie, and my back pack and headed out. The cold wind against my face was soothing. I always loved the cold. Its a lot less worse than heat. Your body temperature can only increase by about 4 degrees and then you die. However, it takes around 8 negative degrees to kill you. The cold's basically saving you from death.

The streets were fairly empty. The echoes of my footsteps were the only sounds I could hear (apart from the wind of course), it was surrounding me, like it was trying to asphyxiate me. I started to get an uncomfortable feeling, like I could sense someone watching me. I scanned around, nobody was there. I tried to speed up, subliminally telling them to back off, if 'they' were even existing in the first place. 

Eventually I made it to the woods, my only company being the crushing of leaves under my feet, and the bark-coated guardians over my shoulder. Their leaves stood out, all a similar colour but individual at the same time. Some were a glowing yellow that radiated the feeling of happiness; others were a wine-stained red, infused with passion and power. The majority were a semi-bright orange, some slightly lighter, some slightly darker. They blended into the crowd, they didn't show any personality, but they gave a warm base fusion for the other leaves to outshine. Which was a beautiful feature nonetheless. The uncomfortable feeling was gone, so I placed myself onto the nearest stump that didn't appear to be housing for woodlice and other unappealing insects, and pulled out my notebook from my backpack. The woods were so barren sound-wise, even the zip on my bag made me deeply shudder as it ricocheted around the trees. I tried to note any resonance, such as the birds nesting at the peaks, but there appeared to be none. I was well and truly alone. 

I attempted to relax and focus on my notebook instead. The click of the pen echoed, screaming out to the emptiness- this time it didn't affect me.

After a few hours, I found my rhythm. I wrote a few stray lyrics and composed some barely comprehensible drawings. I was lost in my own world, but my trance was broken when I heard a snap in the distance. 

My head shot up, like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't see anyone immediately, however when I focused, I thought I saw the silhouette of a person walking towards me, way too fast for comfort. I froze, I didn't know what to do. My heart was knocking at my ribs, trying to pry itself out. It became harder to breathe, like my lungs were also trying to leave my body. They could just be a regular person who happened to be walking in my direction; I could be overreacting as usual. But there was always the chance that they were coming to harm me. It was getting late anyway, and I didn't want to risk it. The regal leaves were no longer glistening, now they appeared dull in the dim lighting. I tried to not make any sudden movements as I got to my feet. They were still striding towards me at a steady pace. This is it. I sprinted off in the direction I came, without looking back. The detailed leaves became a blur; moulding into a dense, autumn cloud that traced my every move. It wasn't particularly easy to manoeuvre through the trees, though they could hopefully slow the person in their chase after me. 

As soon as I returned to the edge of the woods, I halted and almost collapsed trying to catch my breath. All that came out was short pants. I somehow managed to keep my balance and not trip on uneven ground or a protruding branch. My lungs ached badly. I guess I should put more effort into gym class. I turned to see if they followed me, luckily there was no sign of them. I didn't want to go back in for a while, in fact, all I wanted to do was go straight to my bed to think over the past events and try to clear my head. My breath was still too far to catch, racing ahead at the same pace as my thudding heart beat. Beads of sweat began to pierce my brow as I worriedly paced home; hoping I would suddenly grow a new set of eyes on the back of my head. That way, my neck wouldn't be aching so much from watching my back.

Still, I was extremely cautious when returning, but it wasn't long until I made it back. My mother greeted me as I walked in, but I ignored her. I had so much on my mind, I just wanted to sleep so I could finally stop thinking. I peeled off my shirt, it was soaked in sweat from running. I definitely need to put more effort into gym class. I collapsed onto my bed, I was extremely tired, but the person I saw was plaguing my mind again. I kept squirming uneasily. The longer I thought about it, the more paranoid I got. What if they followed me home? What if they're waiting outside until I leave for school, then they'll kidnap me and take me to an abandoned warehouse and torture me? What if they're in my house waiting for me to go to sleep? What if they're in my room watching me? I was too scared to move now, too scared to open my eyes. I tried to hold my breath, and listened out for any movement. It relieved me slightly when I heard nothing.

 

I must have fallen asleep not long after that, as my fairly old alarm clock woke me up instead. I bathed in the nostalgia for a few moments, before getting up to turn it off. I normally woke up naturally. I pushed it aside, just a bad night I presumed. My worries about the figure had almost disappeared. It wasn't long until I had to start walking to school; so I skipped breakfast and showered instead. I kept my back pack, but i skipped the beanie and chose completely different coloured clothes to wear. I didn't want to be right but if that person is there, I can give them less of a chance of recognising me.

My legs were aching from yesterday. I made my way upstairs slowly, as to not strain them any further. My mother had already left for work and my brother also appeared to have started his journey to school. I snatched a can of Dr. Pepper from my brother's stash- he's not here to call me out- and headed out the door.

The walk to school was always quiet. I guess I just live on a quiet street. Everyone's content with watching each other from a distance rather than actually conversing. Nothing much happens, the most active thing here is probably my mind. I can never stop it from wandering. It finds places I wanted to forget, and places I wish never existed.

"Hey Tyler!", I jumped out of my skin and let out an embarrassing squeal, almost karate chopping the unidentified person in the face. I realised it was Pete Wentz. Probably my best friend, he was one of those people you love to hate, and hate to love. But you know he's just a genuinely sweet guy deep down. Once the annoying wears off anyway. He pushed his hair delicately out of his face and semi-marched towards me with one of the widest grins I have ever seen.

"I swear to God, Mikey totally wanted to suck my dick yesterday. We made eye contact for like ten minutes, do you think we're meant to be?" Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, he practically radiates bisexuality. Spend over ten minutes around him, and you'll be throwing up a rainbow in no time.

"Pete get your head out of your ass" I shook my head and giggled at his minuscule idea of a love life. He began to jog to catch up with me. School was about two minutes away, and we had fifteen minutes left, so we didn't have to panic.

"My ass doesn't have any room left, I got Mikey's dick, my dick, your dick, your grandma's dick, pretty much everyone's dick in there somewhere" he smirked. He was pretty irritating at times, but you have to respect the guy, being so bold when he's the only out person in our school. I guess I'm straight, always have been and probably always will be. I haven't had any girlfriends but I've not really been interested enough in anyone to care. Everyone else in school prefers to determine my sexuality for me, like it's clearly their business.

The rest of the walk consisted of mostly silence, with scattered small talk, until we arrived. The cinderblock torture chamber, also known as school. I sighed and kept my head down while walking in. I wasn't necessarily bullied, but some people seemed to get off from giving me a hard time. Karma always works eventually, and I know I can be one to execute it. Pete didn't seem to care, he was too confident and laid back. I'd do anything for the confidence he seemed to hold with ease, but I doubt I could ever be so oblivious to people's opinions.

We had different classes first period so we said our goodbyes at the entrance. I hated being late, so I made my way to maths early. Nobody really hung out around this department so I'd normally have about five minutes by myself. However when I got there, there was someone in my usual place. I was shocked at first, before remembering that there was about 1000 people in this school and everyone had the right to be there if they wanted to be. I couldn't decide whether to turn around and take a lap or two around the building until just before class starts . But then i'd probably be late and I can't deal with a whole class silently judging you when you walk in. I was undecided until I saw them look straight at me, they smiled and I had no choice but to walk over now.

Their smile brightened as I got closer. 

"Hi!" Their smile continued to grow wider. I was surprised when it didn't fill their entire face like the cheshire cat. 

"Oh...uh, hi" I mentally shunned myself for acting like such an imbecile.

They didn't seem to be phased by my awkwardness though. In fact, they seemed to sympathise for my lack of social skills, which was relieving.

"Are you new here? I can escort you if you want" they didn't stop smiling still. I started to be concerned, their face must be in agony by now.

"No, uh, I've been here since the start" I laughed awkwardly and scratched my neck. I didn't really know what to do with my hands so I clenched onto the hem of my shirt. 

"Oh, oh my god, i'm so sorry, i've never seen you before, I just assumed that- I just..." They paused and closed their eyes briefly, sharply inhaling as they did so.

"I'm sorry" they had finally stopped smiling and their face changed into an apologetic expression. Now it looks weird when they're not smiling. They look a lot prettier when they smile. Attractive, actually. The crinkles under their eyes weren't particularly appealing, but showed a history of happiness, care, and a generally enjoyable life. As if they never thought about it ending. Their top lip always raised like a curtain, showing a glimpse of their unnaturally bleached teeth, matching their hair. Although, they did manage to incorporate it well with their partially tanned skin. 

"Oh, its fine, don't worry about it". I laughed awkwardly yet again, which in turn made them smile yet again. I felt at home when they smiled. Like a blazing log fire at war with the chilling daggers of winter, you wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

The silence plagued us. Yet, their smile didn't halter. Should I say something, or wait for them to say something? I guess I have to input to lift at least some of the tension.

"I like your jacket" well, I didnt fuck up as much as I thought I would. By now people were usually laughing at me.

"Thanks, it's my boyfriend's. He's on the football team." 

"You're dating someone on the football team?" The corners of their mouth retreated. Like I was mocking their status and identity. I smiled back, trying to hint that I wasn't intending to offend, but they mustn't have noticed.

"Yeah, we've been going for a few months now" they muttered, concentrating on a singular aglet on their lace. Not wanting to reciprocate the eye contact.

"I don't know why I got so surprised, I'm sorry, you're really attractive" the last part just blurted out. Well done top scorer for sociallyawkward-dor, Tyler Joseph, thanks Dumbledore. 

"Well you're quite cute yourself, but I'm unavailable" they gleamed once more. I started to notice the smaller details, like the fine, light hairs that were barely noticeable above their top lip. Or the dirt-ridden pores that decorated the edges around their nose. Not many people would have noticed them, but I could see redness around there, as if they were too insecure to leave them be. They were just like everyone else: unsatisfied. They constantly searched for areas to improve themselves. What a shame.

"Oh I don't wan-" before I could correct them, the bell rang out and hoards of people seemingly appeared out of nowhere. By the time I had turned back around, they had already walked into class. 

 

This lesson was already incredibly boring. I was practically asleep, drifting in and out of consciousness. Subsequently, my head shot up when the teacher jolted me back into reality.

"Get on with your work, Joseph!" I looked around and everyone was already half way through a sheet that I didn't even realise had been placed right in front of me. I panicked, starting to organise myself twice as fast... Until I realised I didn't have a pencil. I looked around again. I didn't want to disrupt the class and gain unnecessary, unwanted attention. Expressionless faces and canvases of heaped strands were currently non-captious- and I would prefer them to stay that way. But when I turned to my right, I noticed someone familiar.

"Hey" I whispered, barely audible. They didn't notice at first, pursing their lips, eyes still locked onto the sheet. I gave up after a few tries, resorting to throwing a random page of scrunched up paper from my notebook. It rolled gently towards their hand, making contact. Finally, their eyes pierced into mine, they looked slightly angered that someone had disturbed their peace, but they relaxed when they recognised me.

"Can I borrow a pencil?" I asked quietly. Nobody had turned around yet so that was a good sign. 

"Sure" they mouthed, meekly passing a pastel pink one over, decorated with miniature green and blue butterflies; I didn't mind, it was kind ornate sweet.

This time I was the one smiling. I tore out another page and scribbled on 'whats your name?' It rolled slowly upon their work, making a soft tap. The teacher lifted his head with his eyes bearing into me, but shortly lowered it again when he realised it was nothing to be concerned about. Honestly, I could have been on fire, screaming for help, and he would sigh heavily before begrudgingly giving me water to put myself out- not forgetting to complain about it until I graduated. 

They opened it and grinned, before scribbling a reply and throwing it back. They put their head down and focused back on their work. I decided to leave them alone after that. I opened the crumpled page and read it with excitement. Huh, that's a really cute name. 

Jenna.


	2. No You'll Never Know Until You're There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already had the first two prewritten and the next chapter is already near completion. Thank you for all kudos you leave :)

Jenna was nice. I really liked her. We walked to the courtyard conversing between each other; just small talk, but talking was an achievement for me. We said our goodbyes when she spotted her friends. They all gave me weird looks, as if they're fucking royalty. I considered saying something to them, however I was interrupted by Pete with a surprise bear hug. He burst out giggling while somehow managing to lift me off my feet. Jesus, he is such a man child. It was kinda funny at first, until he started crushing my ribs. After what felt like an hour, he let me down; I struggled to catch my breath. 

Once I finished hacking up my lungs, I noticed Pete had brought someone along with him. They were about the same height as me but extremely skinny. I was quite concerned if they were malnourished. They had gaunt cheeks that complimented their sharp features, and semi long brown hair that was glued to their forehead. They didn't seem like Pete's type much, but Pete would bone anything if he was desperate. I wasn't sure if i'd made a good first impression as their slight squint seemed practically disinterested.

"So..." I tried to spark up a conversation. I wasn't capable of much but blank fillers if I wasn't familiar with someone, but the awkward silence made even me uncomfortable. I scuffed my heels agaisnt each other, trying to take myself out of the situation. Or at least look terrified enough for them to feel sorry for me and ignore me.

"Oh shit, yeah. Tyler, meet Mikey" It was pretty obvious who it was now, I don't know how I hadn't already managed to put a face to the name. Yet again, rough nights love to make themselves blatant.

Mikey didn't speak, instead he looked at me blankly, expecting me to greet him first apparently.

"Hey Mikey, Pete talks about you all the time". I wasn't too keen on meeting Mikey, however I was slightly more comfortable with Pete here- his jackass personality could make me invisible. 

Mikey didn't reply, just smirking and glancing at Pete, who's face was a deep crimson shade. Usually he'd try to embarrass me or even do a punch on my forearm, but it seemed he didn't to come off as too much of an asshole in front of his 'soulmate', only giving me a semi-soft one that barely landed. 

I decided to see how much I could manipulate him. "Ow Pete that really fucking hurt" I exaggerated as much as a I possibly could, even feigning a tear. Mikey, as expected, stayed in his usual silent manner, however his eyes creased into a concerned look. Pete must have noticed this and tried to justify himself. 

"Oh god. Tyler. Im sorry. I really am, I didn't mean to hurt you, please don't cry" he awkwardly rubbed my arm. There was a hint of desperation in his voice, he must like Mikey a lot more than I thought. 

I decided I had embarrassed him enough. "It's okay Pete. It's fine" I pretended to shrug it off. Pete gave a relieved sigh, and Mikey gave his now signature lack of input. Just rolling his eyes and staring at Pete. I tried my hardest to suppress a smirk as Pete silently pleaded to Mikey. I never saw him act so innocent, it wasn't comforting.

Luckily I didn't have to be a thespian any longer as the bell interrupted the pause. Pete shot me a monotone "see you later", I replied with a nod and we parted for the second time that day.

 

I didnt see much of Jenna or Pete for the rest of the day. Let alone Mikey. Lunch was fairly bland and routine, as usual. The rest of the lessons dragged at the slowest pace possible. I couldn't wait to be out of this building, I felt like I was dying. When I left the building, I was glad to feel another breeze soothe me. I paused, inhaling the slightly polluted air and scanning around at the hundreds of people making their way home also. Each one of them conversing between each other. The centre of their own worlds. Thinking they are the most important. Thinking they'll all be successful in life. Its all bullshit. They're all living pathetic, insignificant lives. They'll always be irrelevant. I would feel bad for them, they're blinded by their imagination. But who feels bad for people who dismiss your existence?

Scraps of Winter were imminent. For example, the recurring breeze that sorta stung after a while slapped me in the face, leaving shades of scarlet tattooed to my cheeks. The trees stood tall, yet embarrassed for their yearly shedding that was about to come. Flaring out the gleaming medals it had earned in the spring, before it would be stripped from all its awards, having to start afresh. I think about that sometimes. Just dropping everything you have to become a completely different person. Dishing out the abuse instead of being dealt the hand. Punching the teacher who always picked on you. Robbing the store that would kick you out in winter for staying in so long without buying anything. Getting the revenge you crave for. The perfect head rush. 

I was attempting to cross the road, until a blaring horn rattled through my skull, leaving me unable to comprehend anything. I came to my senses and looked up to see (what appeared to be) an arrogant business bench warmer driving past in a car he could barely afford, feeling superior, trying to hide his emptiness. Unlike the trees, he could waste his time faking it. Not having to be exposed for his lack of experience. That's why I always respect the trees more. Being upfront and honest, supporting everything without asking for much in return. Providing shelter and resource. Trees are the gods we should worship. This is how i passed my time getting home, analysing things a little more than usual. Giving second glances. Its pretty gratifying being less naïve than most people. I guess I'll always be ahead. Spotting the small mistakes every one overlooks. Reading life's fine print, instead of the bold words. The fine print can be overwhelming sometimes, but it's always better to understand than to mindlessly accept.

 

I got home to my brother whining about his missing Dr Pepper, I tried to look as innocent as possible as i passed through the kitchen. I thought I'd got away when he gave me a dirty glare and a smirk.

"Hey Tyler, heard you were hitting up Jenna, somebody told Josh about it and he's gonna be waiting for you in school tomorrow" he gave another boastful smirk. He was pretty popular, while I was, and always have been, an outsider. He didn't have to worry about the jocks, they all liked him. 

"First of all- I have no idea who 'Josh' is, secondly, any relationship I have with Jenna, if you can even call it that, is entirely platonic and I intend for nothing more" I told him in the most monotone voice I had ever used, avoiding eye contact with him. 

"Well Tyler, you'll have to tell him yourself. You know jocks-" he walked towards me and whispered, his warm breath grazing uncomfortably against my skin, making me shudder "they hate losing. Especially to people like you." He winked and made his way upstairs smugly with the remaining cans of Dr Pepper. I gulped aloud, standing frozen for a second. What if he wanted to fight me? I'd most certainly get beat up again. Then my mom would call the school and complain until they made them apologise. Only making bullying worse. 

I went to bed early that night, skipping dinner. I didn't know who Josh was or what he even looked like. I wasn't even sure if he knew what I looked like. But the whole idea of him beating me up in school was making me sick to my stomach. Everyone would see it, they'd surround me, mocking and laughing, adding an extra weight of pain. The only person who would even care enough to try and stop them was Pete. Although, Pete would be nowhere near capable enough to pry them off. I could pretend I'm sick and skip school. However, I normally do this for mental health days and I've already taken two this semester. My mom would definitely make me go to the doctor, and I couldn't stand the disappointment over the humiliation. I could skip school, Jay does it pretty often and my mom doesn't seem to get mad at him. School would notice and phone my mom though and I don't think I'd have the balls to face her after breaking her high standards. I rarely misbehaved so she had standards a lot higher for me than Jay. He'd get away with a lot more because she knew it was only his future he was ruining. For me though, she'd get extremely worked up and upset whenever I broke the rules, I knew it was only because she didn't want me to head down the same path Jay was going, but it did feel a little unfair. 

I grasped my phone and unlocked it, the brightness felt as if it was scolding my retinas. I squinted and looked at the time. 2am presented itself boldly. I sighed, and flopped onto my back. My eyes stung from last night and the charcoal smears drooping underneath proved it. I tried to get as much sleep as I could before school tomorrow. It would be a hell of a long day.

I suddenly awoke to my brother's knocking on my door. I groaned and buried my face in my pillow, trying to ignore him. He continued anyway and it was starting to really piss me off. 

"What?" I mumbled through the pillow, surprised that he actually heard me.

"Have a great day!" I could hear him stifling a laugh behind the door before his heavy footsteps bolted back up the stairs. Mimicking my heartbeat. A lot of the time, guys will never admit they are afraid, they go so far to hide it. But, I'll honestly admit I was terrified to go to school. My hands were violently shaking and my knees buckled when I tried to stand up. I stumbled my way to the bathroom, throwing up violently. The taste of my empty stomach burned in my throat, I had skipped dinner for two days. I felt so drained and empty, but I wouldn't be able to hold any breakfast down. I wiped off my mouth on a hand towel and shot back a cap of mouthwash. I couldn't let this take over me. I could just stay in the library all day. If anyone so much as raises their voice in their they get kicked out. Besides, the librarian in there loves me, he won't let anyone mess around with me or they get banned for good. 

I tried to settle on something plain and subtle to wear, something casual that would let me blend into the crowd. The best match I could find was a red t shirt and beat up basketball shorts, a good metaphor, protecting myself with something that has already experienced it. I threw up once more, hoping it would clear my head as well as my stomach, and headed out. Pretending to be oblivious to my brother's quizzacious grin. 

I stopped outside of school. It grew taller and loomed over me, its shadow cast me into darkness, I took deep breaths. It grew taller every second, standing over me giving me disapproving looks, trying to intimidate me so I turned back and ran. I was always a coward in situations. I always ran. This time I couldn't, I'd come to far to turn back now. 

I took deep breaths, trying to shake of the fear latching on to me. I put my head down and diverted straight to the library. Luckily, everyone ignored me and I made it to my destination safely. A few people had given me dodgy looks, but turned back not long after. I sat down in the sparsely populated room. There was only me, the librarian, and two students trying to cram information in last minute for a test. I doubt their brains could remember any of it as soon as they pass through the door. I placed my bag down on an unoccupied seat and placed myself in another. The librarian smiled at me, subliminally telling me good morning and I smiled back. I liked it when people were actually pleasant towards me, I was always in need of congenial company and it was a rare delight when I actually found some. So much so that I couldn't help but treat it as the most fragile bond in existence. I wanted to make a conversation with the librarian, to take my mind off Josh. However,  he was meticulously distracted by some paperwork to keep anything bigger than small talk currently, so I settled on searching for a book instead. I fingered through the bookshelves; subconciously drawn to the classics. I settled with Macbeth and made myself comfy for the five minutes remaining before first period. I made it through a few pages before the bell signalled my exit. 

I had no trouble with anyone for the next three periods, I had apparently gone undetected. I was less tense then before so I started my journey to the library at a slower pace. That was until I saw a wall of them, the football players, marching in unison towards me. I froze in place, the library was behind them so I couldn't run into there for asylum. I tried to turn and run but there was two more coming from behind. I was forced to watch in horror as they came closer and closer, trapping me in place. They surrounded me, making a barrier that I couldn't escape from.  They were all so tall, looming over me, making me retreat to a single space.

"What's your name, fag?"

I hated that word, it stung like a knife in my chest. so much that I struggled to retaliate.

"Jesus Christ, are you retarded? I said what's your name?" I could feel a lump building in my throat, and tears began to emerge from their ducts. I knew what was going to happen next.

"Tyler" I choked out. 

"Tyler what? Tyler Faggot?" They all sniggered, making me feel weaker and weaker with every remark and reaction. 

"Tyler Joseph" It took all my strength to force out the words from my lungs, my diaphragm was constricting, I was struggling to breathe. 

"So you're the guy that tried to fuck Josh's girlfriend, huh?" He came uncomfortably close to me. His revolting breath made me gag; almost throwing up for the third time that day. I tried to back away, but the cage they built prevented me from moving anywhere. 

"No" I whimpered, all hope of getting out of this situation uninjured was gone. I closed my eyes, hoping they would just punch me and shove me into a locker and leave it be. But they must have seen the fear from my body language and wanted to taunt me a little longer. The same jock leaned in again, gripping my collar tightly. 

"You shouldn't hit on another guy's girl. Especially one of us. Or there will be consequences, and you've gotta learn those consequences, Tyler Joseph" he said mimicked my voice in a whiny, irritating manner, mockingly smearing it into my face. 

I clamped my eyes shut once more. Why couldn't it just be over? It went silent for a split second, until I felt a powerful blow strike my stomach and knock me to the ground, I winced and recoiled in pain, lying on the floor in a foetal position. The tears that patiently waited now flooded my cheeks as they attempted to soothe the raging pain on my abdomen. It wasn't long until I felt another hit, to my chest this time. Followed by an eruption of laughter. I felt like I was going to black out, with a final punch to the side of my face. The pain was overwhelming, it seared all through my body like a current. I didn't bother holding back the tears, there was no use. I felt the lump in my throat being replacing by thick, copper tasting liquid. I coughed up copious amounts of blood. It oozed from my chin, building up in the back of my mouth. 

They must have realised i was starting to choke and picked me up and dragged me into the nearest empty bathroom. They dumped me into an empty stall, I sprawled onto the floor, too weak to get up and get help. I remained there, hacking up the remaining blood before quietly sobbing on the dirty floor. But i wasn't strong to do anything about it. I laid there sobbing to myself for what felt like hours, until I heard someone enter. I wanted to call for help, but then I realised it could be another one of them. So I stayed still, hoping they wouldn't come in through the unlocked stall door. I thought they'd left until I saw the door slightly open, a tall guy in a varsity jacket stood before me. He was fairly muscular and had a shaved brown mohawk. Which he clearly didn't tame, from the looks of the unruly curls protruding from the top.

"Jesus fucking christ" he flinched, jumping backwards slightly. "Dude what the hell happened to you?" He squatted down, closer to my level.

I tried to answer him, but all I could respond with was violent sobbing; the tears soaking my face. 

"Hey, hey, hey" he hushed me, trying to calm me down. But to be fair, I had a right to be hysterically crying on the bathroom floor.

"Come on I'll take you to the nurses office. Can you walk?" He reached for my hand to help me up, but my legs gave way as soon as I put my weight on them. I shook my head in shame and looked down at the floor, still sobbing. 

"Sh. It's okay" I didn't really appreciate him treating me like a toddler, but honestly, I preferred it to any other way. At least he didn't go straight to a teacher, who'd call my parents, or saw me and decided to worsen the damage.

I was taken off guard when he picked me up bridal style and carried me out of the bathroom and down the hall. We both gained strange looks from others, but he didn't seem bothered. After a short journey, he placed me down on a bed in the nurses office and left, while she scrambled frantically for supplies to clean me off. 

After about half an hour she released me with a cooling pack for my chest and a warning to take things easy for the rest of the day, seeing as there was only twenty minutes left of the day, there was no point sending me home. I looked in the one way window outside her office. I looked like Frankenstein's monster. The deep depressions under my eyes didn't compliment my features and she missed a spot of blood on my chin. I was going to lift my shirt to see the bruise, before realising that she could see me from her office and wouldn't appreciate me flashing my chest at her. Especially as damaged as it looks now. I was still patting the stain on my chin when I saw the same person appear behind me. I turned, not knowing if I should thank him or if that was too awkward. 

"Hey" he smiled, but not too much so it made us both uncomfortable. 

"H-hey" I sighed. This was one of the worst conditions I'd been in the past few weeks, and I wasn't comfortable showing my damaged self to strangers.

"You're Tyler, right?" How did this guy recognise me. The janitor is more popular than me.

"H-how did you know my name" 

"My girlfriend Jenna told me about you. She said you're a pretty cool guy" he smiled again. Shit, is this Josh? Is he going to beat me up even more. Wait, why didn't he just do it in the toilets first. It seems like the most logical decisions. Albeit, people like them probably don't make logical decisions that often.

"Oh. She's nice" I could feel my confidence blossoming, not much, only enough to not stutter and keep eye contact with him for more than a second.

"Yeah she is, so who did this to you? I can straighten them out if you want" he patted me on the shoulder, before realising how fragile I was when I winced, switching to rubbing it soothingly with his hand. 

"I don't know. It was just a bunch of football players" His face changed to a look of shock. Like I'd just shot his family in front of him. It was kind of unsettling. 

"I mean I know they're pretty dumb assholes who think they rule the place sometimes, but why would they do this to you" it's ironic really. The most amount of care I'd ever been given was from someone who I had spent years avoiding. I don't even think I've seen my mom look this concerned before.

"They said I was hitting on Jenna" I mumbled into my own reflection. I couldn't face him while saying it. I wanted to be prepared for him to lash out at me. But he didn't, he paused, looking at his own reflection. I didn't want to interrupt so I minded my own business, gripping the hem of my shirt. 

"Hey Tyler... take this" he spoke blankly. He slipped off his jacket and handed to me softly, I'm guessing to avoid skimming my chest and causing pain again. He didn't even look at me, he just turned and headed down the hall and around the corner. Leaving me and my reflection stood alone, unaware of what would happen.


	3. I Think You're A Saint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will add some more people soon, it won't be just Tyler and Josh the whole way. If you want me to add a person you like, then ask in the comments and I'll see if I can work them in.

I limped back and forth through a single hall. My mind drifting away to a better place. I didn't want to go to class and the teacher probably wouldn't even notice my absence. Step 1, step 2, step 3, step 4, step 5... I stared down at my feet. watching them march one at a time. That was until I heard other footsteps charge down the hall, giving me barely enough time to raise my head before I was collided into a body. My knees buckled under the weight and I collapsed to the floor. The blow to my back wasn't so bad but the pressure to my abdomen bruises was excruciating. As much as I tried to force it back, I couldn't help but release a dolorous cry as I curled up in a ball, sloppily trying to soothe the aching. 

"Tyler Tyler!" Of course, it had to be Pete. He yanked my wrist and lifted me upwards, barely setting me balanced on my feet. 

"Tyler quick you gotta come see this" He was panting so much he could barely annunciate his words. He let go of the death grip on my wrist and patted my back.

"Quick before everyone else gets there first" He regained control and dragged me along the corridors, leaving me flailing about uncoordinatedly. He pulled me around the corner to a small crowd: screaming and cheering, most trying to hover their cellphones over the front row's heads. Pete manoeuvred his way through and guided me to the front. He started shaking uncontrollably when he realised it was Josh. Josh fulfilling my karma. His fists plunged into any area they could cause damage to, whether it be the face or body. A purple bruise was blooming on the victim's eye, and droplets of blood were threatening to spill from a gash on his forehead. I barely recognised him, he seemed so innocent, so docile. He wasn't the Josh I barely knew. He was punching and punching, no remorse, not even breaking a sweat. Actually, I swear I saw a grin flash in the midst of the beating. 

His body was going limp, his eyes were fluttering closed, before jolting open. The intervals between conscious and unconscious were closing. Blood was now oozing, painting his face as a weak irrelevant opponent. Josh still wouldn't stop hitting. His eyes were filled with rage, like previous rage that had built up was now flowing through his veins and transferring to the navy galaxies forming on his originally pale skin.

People had stopped cheering at this point. It turned into screams of fear. Pete attempted to pull Josh off, but he was barely making a difference. Eventually, after five guys volunteered to help -considering themselves to be 'heroes'- they succeeded in tearing Josh off. He continued to furiously swing at the air, almost knocking all five of them to their asses. Lucky for them, they only slightly stumbled before recovering. As the fight had gotten more vicious, more layers of crowd had built up. Two more guys grabbed his lifeless body and dragged him inside, while the others tried to calm Josh down, He was still scarlet in the face, sweat cascaded from his forehead and dangled from his chin. Clinging on to his sharp jawline. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't conjure anything appropriate for the moment, so I silently passed him his jacket while avoiding eye contact.

He slowly grasped it from my hand, as if it was dissipated behaviour, and pressed it against his chest.

"Thanks Tyler" he grinned, standing up- barely phased- at the exact moment the bell signalled our exit, as if he planned it. I stood still, blinking at the spot where Josh had just been, unable to configure what exactly just happened. Why would he do this? Ive known Josh for less than an hour and my first impressions were never that impressive. Maybe he had a history with this guy, he did take it a few punches too far, as if each one symbolised destroying a memory had; returning the pain he had experienced. 

I was only knocked back to my senses when someone pushed me to the floor, laughing uncontrollably while the skin on my hands shredded slightly from the impact. A bolt of pain seared through my wrist. I bit my tongue, trying my best not to cry out in front of them, I had already been ridiculed enough today. I realised almost everyone had left the building, so I made my way out quickly, trying my hardest to not showcase the pain in my hand. I could barely move it without feeling the agonising aftermath.

 

As soon as I walked through the door, I put my head down, hoping my mother wouldn't notice the pain through my face. I shuffled slowly through the hall, hoping she wouldn't spot me walking past the kitchen entrance. I thought I had succeeded until I heard her call out.

"Tyler come here" she sounded happy, like she had found one of my old baby photos again. But i didn't want the uproar that would follow from her seeing what happened to me. She would probably get me transferred, and I couldn't handle more strangers with the possibility of them being worse.

"Not now mom" I tried to produce the most normal sounding voice I could, but I accidentally let out a crack at the end. Oh god, that would surely raise some red flags. I tried to rush to my room as quick as possible to avoid her. Yet, she managed to catch up with me when I felt her hand grip my shoulder. 

"Tyler what's wrong?"

"N-nothing" she saw straight through my visage.

"Tyler don't lie to me" she gave me a stern look. I tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible but I couldn't avoid answering her.

"I got beat up today" I muttered. 

"What did you say" she spoke like satin. She grasped my chin and turned my face towards the light.

"I got beat up today" I said slightly more audibly. She gasped and covered her mouth as if what she saw was heretic. 

"H-here I'll get you an ice pack and a blanket go lay down on the couch" she swatted her hands frantically before suddenly refraining from panicking and leaving the hall. I could hear her grunting repeatedly, mumbling about how she would "sue the school" if it happens one more time. I sighed, I couldn't try to convince her not to take action, I was forced to surrender and dragged a blanket into the living room and planted myself on the longest couch. I stared at the ceiling, identifying all the depressions and minuscule nooks; while half listening to my mothers rant to an empty audience.

Jay entered shortly after with a large bowl of popcorn, diverting straight to the tv before noticing my presence. He placed the bowl down on the table and sat on my legs, receiving a shriek of pain from me. He laughed to himself and sank lower, while I tried to manoeuvre my legs before they snapped. I gave in and rested still, knowing he would move eventually, no matter how persistent he was being. I looked back to the flaking white paint daring to break loose, a metaphor for my life. Always on the brink, but never pushing over. I always backed out. I needed to stop doing that. I turned my attention to Jay, who was flicking through each channel quickly before settling with the news. He yawned and leaned back, as if he had forgotten that my legs were completely dead.

Today there was an attack at the-

"I dont care if theres no security footage to prove it, have you even seen him, my po-"

Two male students entered th-

"He looks like a rag doll, its impossible that he could have done this himself!"

Its suspected that the motive wa-

"Settle!? You want me to settle!? Youre lucky i don't sue y-"

Good friends wh-

"How can yo-"

Parenting is too lenient these da-

"So much pai-"

How can we stop th-

"My baby boy i-"

Too many sounds, they flooded my head. A monsoon of thoughts pressing against my skull, trying to force their way out. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop, it stop it.

"Stop it!" Everything fell silent. Jay stared at me, eyebrows furrowed, mouth agape, it was then I realised that one of the thoughts must have escaped through my mouth. I felt a gentle exhale caress my forehead, I gazed up to see my mom looking down at me.

Bullying is cited as a main cause for attacks like this.

"Tyler honey..." She smiled at me, weakly trying to hide the real emotions she felt.

Mental illness is also blamed for many attacks.

I noted a slight tear drop protrude from her eyes, though she did her best to ignore it. 

"Why don't you get some rest, sweetie" she smiled meekly, before noticing Jay, who hadn't changed his expression the entire time, was still forcing all his weight against my legs. He was there so long I was almost certain id have a permanent groove in the shape of his ass. 

"Jay get off your brother right this instant or I swear to god you wont leave this house until you leave for college!" For once, Jay didn't add a barely thought out retort that would have only sounded good in his own head. He stood straight and nodded, as if she were his sergeant, and began to march out; before remembering the popcorn bowl he left, sprinting sloppily to grab it, spilling a few onto the carpet. She sighed again, probably at what an imbecile of a son she had raised. I longed for her to defy the silence, but she just followed behind Jay. Leaving me with the monotone, repetitive adverts and my own thoughts to entertain the singular crowd. 

I thought about myself, about Josh, the fight, the woods, the person getting beaten. Memories from the past two days hit my mind like rain in a monsoon. This was my fault. All of it. I should have avoided Jenna. I shouldn't have talked to Josh. I should have skipped school. Now Josh will probably get expelled and it will all be my fault. Why do I do this? Why do I ruin everything? I can't do anything right. I fuck everything up. No wonder everybody cant stand me for more than 5 minutes. I'm lucky Josh left early, if he stood around any longer he would have ended up pummelling me further into the ground. Not like I wouldn't deserve it.

The rest of the day went by quickly. I was in and out of sleep, watching Jay sneak downstairs, eventually hoarding the entire popcorn stash in his arms as he struggled to carry them to his room, while simultaneously trying to not get caught in the act. My mother wandered through a few times, it was clear that she had no definite route, floating round aimlessly as an anomaly, trying to place herself. I watched her, back and forth, over and over- just like I had been earlier. However, she looked more perturbed, concerned about my safety. I figured being peaceful would lower her nerves, letting her be more rational. So just like that I turned over and closed my eyes. Hoping sleep would catch up with me soon.

I was knocked out of my trance by someone nudging my shoulder. I grunted and tightened my grip on the blanket, hoping they wouldn't continue to bother me. 

"Tyler honey" my mother sang softly. I rolled over to face her.

"A friend came asking for you. I let him in okay" she beamed; she had every right to be happy, this is the first time I've brought anyone except Pete over since I was about eight years old. 

I sat up rapidly, rubbing the remains of rest out of my eyes. I yawned dramatically before noticing someone sat across from me. It was Josh, features as they usually were, eyes forcibly squinted due to his immense grin. He and Jenna had a lot of similarities. It appeared they had gained another as I noted that his hair had been bleached, leaving shimmering blond tufts piling on top of one another. 

"Oh uh... H-hey Josh" I spoke huskily, I noticed how unpleasant my voice must have sounded and tried to recover by following with spluttering. Tyler the ladies man, everybody.

My impression of death didn't seem to affect Josh, as his smile hadn't changed- him and Jenna were perfect for each other. I wanted to question what had happened to his hair, but it was so clear that he'd dyed it that even captain obvious would call me stupid. 

"How you feeling, dude?" He gleamed. He looked so content, I couldn't be the one to end it, so I lied.

"I'm okay" I muttered. 

"Thats good" it was hard to make more than small talk, but for some reason I already felt in a high state of comfort with Josh. I could tell him anything right now that had taken me years of courage to tell Pete. 

"How are you and Jenna?" I mentally congratulated myself for speaking clearly for once. Yes Tyler, you deserve ice cream later. Hmm I wonder what ice cream we have. Jay probably ate all the Ben and Jer-

"Oh uh, me and Jenna broke up actually" I was stolen from my thoughts by his interruption.

"Oh?" Was all I could question without seeming too forward or rude.

"Yeah after... 'That' happened... Well she said that "You're not the person I thought I was dating" and "don't talk to me from now on", I tried to explain but she wouldn't have it. So... Now I'm the bachelor" he laughed to himself. Why did I savour the fact that he's single so much? I should be sympathising for him.

"So anyway" I glanced up to meet his eyes "I came over to ask you, I mean if you're okay to go out and stuff..." He paused so I nodded in response. This seemed to charge his confidence as he smiled back "to go and hang out with me today?" 

"Y-yeah I would love that" I gleamed back at him. "I just have to ask my m-" I turned around, scanning for my mother, but she was badly concealed in the kitchen, nodding away, mouthing "go" repeatedly at me.

"Okay then, lets go!" We both got up and headed to the door, with my mother's approval. Fortunately, I wasn't wearing pyjamas, so I wasn't inconvenienced by having to embarrassingly ask Josh to wait there while I change. Like the polite gentlemen he was, he held the door open for me, and led the way to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading and any comments and kudos is very much appreciated


	4. Flocks Of Candle Swans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being over two months with this. I made it about a thousand words longer to make up for it though. Thanks for reading :)

It was a short stroll to his house. We didn't talk at all, excusing when our hands accidentally touched; I jolted back, blushing furiously, while Josh wasn't phased, just muttering a "sorry" in my direction. I took this time to memorise the directions and street names. In the hopeful chance that I would come here again. It wasn't much of a distance, but the turns were pretty complex, so I diverted most of my attention to the route. 

Josh didn't seem to mind, he was in a world of his own. What could he be thinking about? Jenna? Me? Is he remembering something embarrassing? Or he's constructing a world in his mind that only he can be amongst, it's a habit I often partake in. I started it when I was a kid, I didn't have many friends so I had to entertain myself most of the time. I made a whole world for myself. Where I would never grow up. Where I never had to be anything but myself. At first it was just a fantasy of a place where I could play all day, without having to go to bed. But as I outgrew my other self, I wanted to be there more and more. I yearned for more time. For everything to come to a halt, so I could stay, having the time of my life, without worrying about time catching up with me. To be immortal, it would be a makeshift nirvana.

We strolled passed the woods, the ones with the strange encounter not too long ago. Josh was still in his own world, so I tried to enter a new one. I pondered on what had happened at school. Why had Josh beaten someone up for me? He didn't even know me until afterwards. He wasn't trying to do justice for me, was he? No, he wanted to hurt this person specifically. It was less hazy now. He was so unwarrantably vexed, as if he wanted more than just to scar him. He didn't want him to recover, he wanted him dead. Wait, what am I thinking!? It's Josh. Josh wouldn't, Josh couldn't. The glint in his eyes was peaked with exuberance.  His grin, no matter how wide, was always laced with innocence that couldn't help but melt your heart. The Josh I knew was so far astray from the Josh my wicked thoughts had conjured. Stop thinking Tyler, stop.

Before I knew it, his house was in view. It wasn't too different from my own. Ivory coated exterior, fairly modern. It looked too furnished to be a family home, it blended in as a jigsaw piece, fitting with duplicate pieces to build the generic neighbourhood. Expecting he had a key, I trod ahead, leaning against his wall. I was taken off guard when he walked straight past me, stopping at the window before gesturing me to follow, as he dove through. I shrugged and followed without skipping a beat. Jay does it often, I'm not too surprised. Must be a jock thing.

The exterior of the house was clearly a false visage, as when I entered, the warm, tender atmosphere pulled me close into its loving arms. It wasn't busy, however you could feel the energy smothering you. I tailed Josh through the building, keeping as close as possible, staring at the solitary thread poking out from the hem of his shirt. I wanted to pull it, but I'm sure Josh wouldn't appreciate it. 

We walked to the kitchen where we met the gaze of two people. An older pale women with bleached blonde hair, around 40 i'd say, and a girl that looked the same age as Josh and I with naturally mocha hair, however what truly made her stand out was her olive tone, she couldn't be closely related to Josh, her features were too different. They broke their conversation to simultaneously turn and flash a welcoming smile. 

"Hey guys, this is Tyler, the guy I told you about" Josh presented me proudly. Hold on, Josh talked about me?! I want to know what he said, but I don't want to pry and scare him off.

"H-hi" I shyly introduced myself. 

"Well isn't he sweet! I'm Josh's mother, just incase you thought we were siblings. Most of his friends do!" She stifled a laugh as me, Josh, and the unidentified girl giggled. She stopped giggling and walked towards me, I stepped back a little, confused as to what she would do. She leaned close and inspected my face. Suddenly, she raised her hands, causing me to flinch before she grabbed my cheeks and pinched them softly.

"Aww Josh, your new boyfriend is adorable" she shook my cheek again, unaware of how uncomfortable I felt.

"Suck my dick" Josh shot back, adding a lighthearted middle finger. In response she stuck out her tongue and skipped back to the counter, where his mom was making a faux-offended expression, but a slight smile showed through. 

"Thats Lyndsey, she's a total bitch, don't talk to her" he laughed, causing her to laugh along sarcastically and add another middle finger to the mix. 

"Just call me Lynn dude" she continued to talk to me, but her words were aimed at Josh "Lyndsey's for ladies in the bedroom, last one was Jenna Black" Josh looked irked as she rolled her eyes back, making exaggerated moans and shouting "oh Lyndsey please" and other random pieces of sexual dialect. He shoved her arm semi-lightly, causing Lynn to grab the counter to avoid falling. 

"Shut the fuck up" he said passive-aggressively.

"Eat my shit, blondie" 

His mother rolled her eyes and stood up while raising her hands and silently left the room. They must act like imbeciles often. I watched them, ridiculous insults thrown back and forth. It seemed like hours until his mom returned. She had a slightly weathered book in her hands. It was fairly thick, mostly determined by the loud bang it made on the counter when she dropped it. It was loud enough to stop Josh and Lynn in their battle. We all stared at her, wondering what her next move would be. Well, I wondered- they were struck with a look of terror.

"Well Tyler, since this is your first visit to the Dun house, we have an old tradition, and lucky for you, you get to see it" she opened the book to reveal polaroid photos glued to the page. It was a photo album. Josh buried his head into the counter while Lynn groaned.

"Look!" She giggled "its baby Josh having a bath!" She pointed to a photo of a baby smiling while covered in bubbles. It was quite sweet. Lynn laughed along and nudged Josh with her elbow. His mom noticed this and flipped a few pages forward, showing me a photo of a girl about 7 years old, dressed as Belle from Beauty And The Beast. She was sitting on a woman's lap while smiling brightly. I couldn't help but let out an audible "aww!". I looked to Lynn and Josh, Josh had a similar reaction to me, while Lynn's face flushed deeply. 

Josh's mom looked to me directly this time. "Back when Lynn was having a bad time with her family. I offered her to live with us. Her and Josh were pretty close after all, and I knew nothing would go on with them." Lynn and Josh looked at each other and pulled the most disgusted faces they could think of. "She packed her bags and left as soon as she could. But I noticed she wouldn't have any of the old happy memories with her. I went to her house to have lunch with her mother; I excused myself to bathroom and had a look around for anything she might miss. I knew she wouldn't want to go back anyway. I found a little envelope, full of photos of her as a kid. I saw her precious little smile and knew I couldn't leave without them. I dont think her mother was bothered, this was four years ago and she hasn't said anything since." 

We both looked to Josh and Lynn, who had finally stopped aggravating each other, and were smiling and pointing at different photos of each other. Some embarrassing, some adorable, most of them were both. Josh's mom looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, I knew I'd found a good place. There was so much love between them all, it would be impossible to break the bond. It reminded me of my family with my dad still there. I forgot what it felt like. I didn't want to let it go again.

 

After about an hour of flipping through the pages, memories flooding back and old faces smiling at new ones, we finished the book. We all sat together in silence for a moment, normally I would feel extremely awkward and would resort to gripping the hem of my shirt- or any other minimal distraction- but it felt like the silence was exactly what I needed. I felt comfortable and embraced. We somehow bonded by doing the opposite of bonding. Eventually, Lynn excused herself, saying she was going to meet her friend and would be back later. She waved us all goodbye and gently slammed the door as she left. Not too long after, his mom said she had to get dinner ready, so Josh got up and started walking out of the room. I followed like a lost puppy, still having no clue where anything was. He led me upstairs and into a room which i was assuming was his bedroom. 

He jumped across the room unexpectedly, landing with his limbs spread across the bed. He fixed himself and sat up, facing me while leaning on a mountain of pillows. 

"Welcome to my humble abode" he pointed to a semi-ripped beanbag chair across from him. I followed suite and sat down there. He looked pleased when i finished his request.

"So Tyler, what do you wanna do?" I shrugged. Honestly, I had no clue what we could do, let alone what I wanted.

"What do you normally do?" He questioned. 

"Oh uh, I normally just write stuff, I don't really do much else..." 

"C'mon Tyler, you must do some fun stuff"

"Uh well, I like to play video games sometimes" I forced out. My mind was mostly blank, that was the most rational answer that came to mind.

"Great! I have a bunch of them we can play!" He began jumping up and down like a 10 year old. I was feeling too lethargic to share his energy though. I flared a weak but thoughtful smile as he rummaged through a pile in the other corner of his room.

 

Finally, after hours of blasting peoples heads off, Josh seemed just as worn out as I was. He sighed and shut the game off abruptly, turning over to me.

"Wanna see something cool?" He suggested with a smirk. He got up and began to open his door, but refrained from doing so and immediately paused. I was really confused, was he going to show me or not? 

"Actually... I think its better if I show you another time..." He let go of the door handle and was about to sit back down when his mother called him for dinner. He exhaled deeply before jumping up, whistling an unfamiliar song while he strolled out of his door. I didn't know what to do, so I stayed cemented to the chair. 

Immediately after strolling through the door, he perched his head back in.

"Well aren't you coming?" I smiled, standing up to walk with him to dinner.

 

We got down there and I was immediately hit with the warm feeling I had when I first got here. Lynn had arrived without us noticing, and she sat with his mom on the table. There were four plates set out, I didn't realise she had already planned to accommodate me. I relived the feeling of family meals. Nowadays my mother just grabbed some instant meals, we never ended up eating together either. I didn't resent her for it. But I sure relished this rare moment while it lasted. 

After we finished I realised what time it was, it was way past my curfew and I was going to get killed when I got home. I checked outside the window to see how dark it was. There weren't many streetlights here so I could barely see anything, the darkness looked impenetrable. I thanked his mom for the food and told Josh I had to hurry home.

"Crap I didn't realise how late it was, you can stay here if you want. Walk you home in the morning when its safer?" Although my mother would probably be worried to death. I thought is would be better than the possibility of finding my dead body in the woods. I turned on my phone, noting the many missed calls I had from her. It was too embarrassing to have her scream at me in front of his family, so I decided to text her instead. She must have been tense waiting with her phone, because she replied instantly.

Mom: 'thank god you're okay. I was so worried about you!'

'Im sorry'

Mom: 'its alright honey, have fun okay. Text me in the morning xoxo'

"Alright we're all set!" Josh cheered and grabbed my hand, leading me up to his room.

I heard Lynn call out "be safe kids! Use protection!" 

Josh called back "don't worry we will, just check your sheets for stains after".

"You bastard, don't you dare!" she stormed up the stairs, rushing past us and locking herself in her room, while Josh couldn't stop laughing.

By the time we made it up there- after Josh had to stop and catch his breath from laughing so hard- he returned to his original position and flopped onto his bed. However, this time he patted the spot next to him. Beckoning me to join him. I obeyed and sat down next to him.

"Honestly I can barely keep my eyes open so can we just sleep?" He yawned loudly. 

"Yeah I can't either" I agreed with him. This day had been too much for me.

"Shit Lynn broke the bed thing we had" he grunted, sighing afterwards "guess we'll have to share my bed" I instantly started blushing. I can't share a bed with Josh. It's weird, he'll probably think I'm weird if I talk in my sleep or something. Oh god what if I talk in my sleep. Ill say something weird and he'll hate me forever. To say I felt uneasy was an understatement, but since I had no other place to sleep, and not wanting to make Josh feel hurt for rejecting him.- I agreed. 

He grabbed a few articles of clothes from his closet and passed them to me.

"I'm sure they'll fit you, you can go get changed in the bathroom while I get changed in here." I nodded and went off to find the bathroom. 

I got dressed pretty quickly, I was going to wash my face and leave but was distracted by my reflection. Every imperfection stood out, I couldn't see anything remotely attractive. Just features upon features of grotesqueness. I couldn't stand how revolting I must be to everyone. I should just apologise beforehand for being such an eyesore. I could go on but I realised I had been a while and didn't want to make Josh think I was jacking off or taking a shit or in his bathroom. 

I paced back to his room, where the door was still closed. It was unlocked so I stepped in, unaware that Josh was still changing. The door was only ajar when I realised Josh was pulling off his shirt and was about to replace it with a new one. I started to blush again, and shut the door before Josh would notice my presence. I didn't want him to think I was invading his privacy or judging him or something. I couldn't say he wasn't attractive or that it was harder to look away from him than I expected it to be. Where was I going with this? I better stop before I start thinking too much,

I gave it about two minutes before I entered the room more confidently this time, pretending the incident had never happened. When I entered he had already nestled under the sheets. He noticed me and smiled, then frowned unexpectedly.

"Sorry if this is weird Tyler. I can sleep on the floor if you want?" 

"No it's okay" I reassured him as I laid down next to him, leaving a decent gap between us. Before I knew it Josh was sound asleep, heavily breathing. Meanwhile, my eyes began to sting. I let them flutter shut, while I anticipated waking up next to him. 

 

I opened my eyes and saw a lake resting peacefully in front of me. The ambient water sat still, undisturbed. I looked around, noticing Josh staring at the sky beside me. 

"Isn't it beautiful Tyler?" 

I laid down next to him, gasping at the smudged blends of colour looming over us. Royal purples danced with flamboyant pinks straight above me, blending into softened lilacs. They moved alongside the glowing reds that linked the sunset spectrum to the burning orange embers that leaked over the horizon, spilling blissful colours into the distance. It was truly mesmerising. I bore into every slight detail of the sparse clouds, shining pure white like doves with a regal gold trim. 

Josh sat up, and I followed, observing the lake once more. I noticed a small stream filling the lake slowly. I wandered over to the edge, the gentle rush of water soothed my thoughts as I studied more. Flocks of swans floated along gracefully, adding tender kisses of light like restless candles. Complimenting the plastic auburn leaves that hugged on to metallic trees. I was so distracted, I didn't notice Josh place himself next to me. He took my hand softly, caressing it with his thumb.

"I couldn't think of anything to make this more perfect" I told him. I felt in harmony in these surroundings. It felt like heaven, it felt like Slow Town.

"I just need one more thing to make this perfect" he added, gripping my hand tighter. I turned to him, giving him a questioning look, before I noticed he was leaning in closer. I realised what he was doing. I froze, I should have moved away or told him to stop. However, something deep inside me was tugging for my attention, begging me to go along with it. It was becoming harder and harder to resist, until I couldn't handle it anymore. I closed this distance between us. It was mellow and innocent. It was the perfect addition to the moment, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I wasn't questioning my actions. This was so compelling it was exactly what I wanted, exactly what I needed. I never wanted to stop. 

Unfortunately, everything has to stop. This time when I woke up next to Josh, still in a state of slumber. He had shifted in his sleep, wrapping his arm around me. His face buried deep into my neck. 

I can't do this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete Wentz. Just, just Pete Wentz

I wouldn't say I avoided Josh after that- but I certainly purposefully missed his presence for a couple weeks. I couldn't believe what was happening, I couldn't make any sense of it. Why Josh? Why me? Why couldn't it have been about Jenna, or some other girl. Hey, there could be a tree I'd have made out with with, and it still wouldn't be as weird as this felt. Why did it have to be Josh? As far as I knew, Josh was a guy, and as far as I knew I was straight. It was too confusing. I didn't like the uncomfortable feeling that came along with all this. It was hurting my head. Best bet is to push it to the back off my mind and pretend it never existed. That should work, right?  
I planned a strategy, it was fool-proof. I'd turn up at school last minute, and go straight to class- we didn't share any classes so that was a strike of luck. At breaks and lunch, I'd stay in the library the whole time, occupying myself behind the tall bookshelves. Josh wasn't the type to thoroughly investigate the library in his free time, so it was safe to say the coast would be clear. 

 

It had been two weeks since I stayed over; two weeks since I last saw Josh. I missed him a lot, but I knew I needed to do this. I groaned aloud, rubbing my eyes slowly, avoiding opening my eyes for just a little longer. I had to get up eventually, but closing my eyes separated me from reality. Something as simple as my eyelids could take me to a realm where my problems didn't exist if i didn't want them to. Shame you have to open them eventually.

I went downstairs and met my mother in the kitchen. She was rushing to gather her lunch for work, but still managed to flash me a smile and a heartwarming "good morning". 

I quickly wolfed down a bowl of cereal, not hesitating to poor out another bowl. I was only just starting to get my appetite back after a couple weeks of missing meals, so I could easily justify it to myself. Jay had stayed over at a friends place, so when my mom called out her first goodbye, I was left alone. I checked the time on my phone, I hadn't given Josh my number so luckily I didn't have to spend extra effort avoiding texts and calls. 

My phone suddenly began to vibrate and produce an obnoxiously loud ring that made me wince slightly, it was still too early for my reactions to catch up. I answered it quickly without checking who it was. I didn't need to, I could recognise that voice in a heartbeat. 

"Good morning sweetheart, how's my baby doing?"

"Shut the fuck up Pete" I laughed along with him. 

"Okay hon. Anyway, me and Mikey are heading out to Starbucks before school starts. Wanna tag along?" Of all the things Pete had asked me to do, I would have never expected it to be the third wheel on a coffee date. But that doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't enjoy it. 

"Alright, I'm ready anyway. Pick me up whenever you're ready".

"Who said I was picking you up. Walk, bitch." He immediately hung up before I could respond. I giggled to myself and sat down on the couch, waiting for his arrival.

 

About ten minutes later, I heard the tires of Pete's crappy car screech on my driveway. I jumped up and opened my door before he tried to kick it down as usual. He was paused mid knock while pouting. 

"You're no fun" he sighed before leading the way to, as he named it, 'ol worthless piece of crap'. Mikey was sat timidly in the front, scrolling through his phone in silence. I recognised the smell of weed and stale hamburgers had been slightly masked by a pink, flower shaped air freshener dangling from Pete's mirror. Only the best for Mikey. 

The drive was mostly quiet. Mikey continued to glare at his phone, and Pete cleared his throat excessively to try and stimulate any small talk. I stared out at the sky, stagnant above me. The heat was abnormally high today, and not a single cloud blocked it from beating down. 

"So are you feeling any better Tyler?" Pete asked. 

"I-uh" I stuttered along, not sure how to answer. "Yeah-uh- I've been doing alright". 

"Oh man if I was there, I'd have stuck my foot so far up their ass, they would be flossing with my shoelaces." We all quietly laughed at him, including Mikey.

"Thanks man" I grinned to the back of his head.

"They should have done that to you. Pieces of shit. They deserve what Josh did to be honest." I should have been surprised at the fact that this was the first time I had ever heard Mikey speak since we had first met. However the mention of Josh caused an unfamiliar sting in my chest. I just nodded and sat back, retreating to staring at the sky once more.

Once we arrived, I ordered a black coffee and rushed to the secluded table in the corner. They were doing a two for one offer if you got two of the same drinks, and Mikey and Pete were passionately arguing over which one they should get. Even stooping low enough to argue which one had the most nutritional value. I stifled a laugh, switching off from the conversation and beginning to daydream. I suppressed any images of Josh that would suddenly appear, forcing my mind to wander elsewhere. I thought about Jenna and that conversation before maths class. She was probably the first girl that didn't look even slightly distasteful when I tried to converse with them. I thought about her blonde hair and how it shined like the first sunrise on the Autumn equinox, warming my skin and my chest. I recalled her soothing azure irises and how they lured me in, soaking every surface, saturating them with sapphire. Her words danced across her tongue and frolicked around  
the room like a dandelion carried away by a soft wind. I couldn't wait to see her again. 

It wasn't long until Pete slammed himself down into the seat facing me, followed by Mikey, startling me more than any horror movie we had ever watched together. They apparently settled on a frappuccino of some sort, but it was clear that it was really Mikey's order. 

"What'cha thinking 'bout lover boy?" Pete smirked at me, causing my face to violently flush.  
"Nothing" I let out meekly, struggling to settle the blush growing on my face.

"Oh please, I saw you before while Mikey-" he paused after he received a warning look from his maybe-maybe not boyfriend "while we were ordering. You had the biggest lovey-dovey eyes it made me want to puke" he pretended to stick his fingers down his throat and made loud gagging noises, not helping my embarrassment. "So yeah, who you thinking about, my little Ty-bear?" Both me and Mikey cringed while Pete giggled at the embarrassing nickname. 

"Oh uh, no one. Nothing, just stuff. You know how it is?" I hoped Pete would just brush it off and change the subject to another one of his stupid antics, like how he tried to shave 'Metallica' into his pubes and almost cut his dick off with his dad's razor. Why am I even friends with him?

"Sure dude, sure" he dragged it out, but luckily dropped the subject; changing his attention to attempting to spoon feed Mikey the whipped cream from his drink, as Mikey swerved in multiple directions to avoid him. I sighed, finishing my semi-cool drink as I zoned out once more. 

I stuck around to get another ride from Pete, although I could easily get sick of how obsessively romantic he could be around Mikey, there was no point walking to school now, especially seeing as I would end up late. I never wanted to be late. 

The ride to school seemed to pass slightly faster than the last one. I spent the entire time gazing sullenly out of the window, the strong vibration of the glass giving me a headache, but I didn't have the energy to sit up straight. Any conversation made towards me went unnoticed; I didn't even realise we had arrived until the loud slam of Pete's rusting car door hit me like a taser. I thanked him weakly and we went our separate ways, agreeing to meet up at lunch. I strolled slowly along the busy halls, keeping my head lowered, eyes glued to the floor, as to not raise any attention. I reluctantly headed in the direction of my first class, English Literature. My heart was sinking slightly, in anticipation of any confrontation. The slightest conversation or brush against me made my heart start beating violently; I still refused to look up. 

As usual, I turned up early, before anybody else. Although, this time I recognised the face hanging outside of the door. It felt like déjà vu, and my heart floated a little bit higher as I got closer. 

"Hey" I felt a lot more at ease than last time. 

They turned around sharply, bleached blonde hair flipping with them as my eyes met hers. 

"Oh hey!" She grinned, giving me a light bump to the shoulder. 

I let out an embarrassing giggle, in turn making us both laugh. Her laugh was so contagious I couldn't stop myself from laughing. For once, I didn't care that I looked like a freak crying laughing over nothing.

"I haven't seen you in forever, where have you been? You haven't been getting stoned in the parking lot have you?" I shook my head.

"Good, 'cause I would have been pissed that you didn't get me any" she laughed softly to herself. 

I like her laugh. 

It wasn't long until we had to head into another mentally draining hour of class. I barely paid attention to the monotone droning of the teacher at the front. Jenna was at the other side of the room and I spent most of my time watching her. She started intently at the front, taking in every word, focusing on every little detail. She was writing down colour coordinated notes every time he paused to breathe, most likely in the most perfect hand writing ever constructed. When her hair fell in front of her face she'd push it back with the end of her pen and continue writing.

I liked it when she pushed it back. 

I barely noticed the bell resonating through the room until everyone grabbed their stuff in a hurry to scramble out of the door before there was any chance of the teacher assigning homework. He sighed heavily, having clearly given up at this point, offering an exhausted "see you tomorrow morning" before residing to his desk chair. 

Jenna seemed to linger behind, even as her friends past her out of the door. She was most likely gathering the abundance of equipment she used. We were pretty much alone again, so I forced myself to go and talk to her.

"Need a hand?" I offered politely as I manoeuvred through the empty desks.

Her eyes looked up, startled, but relaxed when they met mine.

"Thank you" she replied gratefully. I held her binder as she gathered all the coloured pens she used. Not long after we headed out of the room by each other's side. It was the first break of the day, so I walked along with her. 

"Thanks for doing this. I'm never good at studying so I try and take as many notes as possible" she gestured toward the bright flowered binder I carried, filled so close to the brim with paper, that the ink threatened to spill outwards. 

"It's no problem. I'm not waiting on anyone until lunch anyway" I assured her, not wanting to make her feel like a burden.

"You're friends with Pete aren't you?" I nodded, surprised that she recognised him. 

"You two know each other?" I questioned her.

"We were in most of the same classes in middle school. Didn't talk much, he mostly just sniffed markers in the back corner." I broke into an obnoxious laugh, that was so Pete.

"Well he hasn't changed much since then I guess."

"I'm sure he's grown out of sniffing magic markers by now" she laughed.

"Oh yeah, now he sniffs glue like all the big kids" I mocked her comment lightheartedly. It caused her to laugh even more extremely as we headed, in the slowest speed possible, to her locker. Albeit, we managed to arrive without me noticing. I was too busy watching Jenna; watching every small detail change as her lips curled up when she smiled, her eyes creased forming little wrinkles. She really was the definition of beauty.

I was shaken back into reality when she slammed her locker shut. I looked down perplexed, wondering how I hadn't noticed her take her binder from my arms. 

"Well thanks again" she smiled weakly before sighing and looking at the floor. "Now all that's left is studying. Yay." She spoke sarcastically.

"Studying isn't that bad" I replied, slightly sympathising for her. 

"But it's so hard" she whined, exaggerating the last word. "I try and all but it just doesn't sink in. I fucking suck" she laughed in a depressing manner. 

"I can help you" I didn't realise what I had offered until it had already slipped out of my mouth, no longer in reach. "Th-thats if you want I mean. If you don't it's cool I-" I was scratching my neck awkwardly, avoiding any eye contact with her.

"You'd really do that for me?" I finally managed to meet her eyes and they burned with a look of appreciation. 

"Yeah sure it's no big deal" I shrugged one shoulder, trying to seem casual. However, I was easily caught off guard when she wrapped her arms around my neck and tightly squeezed. I quickly tried to regain my balance, once I did, I rested my arm on her back in reciprocation, to show her I wasn't uncomfortable for once. 

She pulled away not long after, smirking. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She jumped up and down effervescently. She obsessively thanked me for the last time and headed off in the opposite direction, stepping a lot lighter than she did on the way here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's literally been 10 months since I last updated. I'm sorry it took me so long to write this but I haven't been in a good place mentally and it took too much out of me to try and write but I've already started the next chapter and I'm gonna work a lot harder now I have two month ago of summer free. Thank you for reading :)


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